This post runs parallel with “You cannot truly understand The Teaching without Meditation”, please also read that post as well.

I want to share with you folks one of my life’s greatest achievements. Albeit recently; I developed the ability to meditate. Simple, normal, beginner level meditation.

If that’s not intriguing enough to keep you reading, don’t worry it gets rather juicy.

To start I finally took off the “training wheels” which was the candle exercise, something I’d been clinging to as a crutch for too long. I was wanting to shift into meditating to videos of various hz’s and mandala visuals, etc., something I’d always been rather repelled by and apprehensive of due to the religious/belief hyped titles and descriptions of the videos.

Looking back, I see now that that was only part of the grounds for my apprehension. There was also a subconscious fear of these potentially being a means of mind-control/negative psychic influence which seems to be confirmed by Bermuda’s conversation with Billy Meier* back in March regarding telenotic impulses.

Long before I’d read this I had similar suspicions yet brushed them off as groundless paranoia. It seemed a bit silly that something that were supposed to be tools to help one relax and focus, could be used to enslave ones mind and disperse hatred and unpeace. I realize now the only “silliness” was me underestimating the malice of the powers that be.

Even meditative tools can be harmful – If allowed.

My Return to Hell

Via Jedi’s suggestions (and before I read contact 705), I decided to give these videos a try.

It began, continued and ended with mortifying, atrociously dreadful results. The first attempt was a 10 minute session. During which time every raw, disturbing, horrifying negative emotion ever experienced throughout my life (of which there were many) stormed through my body and mind, emotions and feelings I’d thought long since overcome. Emotions, feelings and thoughts so terrible, I’d forgotten such dismay was possible. I had sick urges to rip off pieces of my own body and hammer them into the wall. That was the raw frustration, aggression, rage, and pure self-loathing brought about by my failures to concentrate.

Having no particular desire to go out in such a state of manic self-dismemberment, I put those videos aside and went back to the candle.

Naturally, this made me feel like a failure, and a weak one at that. The gnawing frustration was so intense that the candle was serving no beneficial purpose, other than to continually remind me of my weaknesses throughout the duration of the sessions.

Increasingly frustrated, I decided to give the videos another try. Sure enough the same hateful feelings and emotions flooded into me. Self-pitying thoughts stormed through unrelenting: “You can’t do this, You can’t concentrate, you have ADHD, this is dangerous; go back to the candle, you haven’t perfected that yet; you shouldn’t be trying to hang in the “big leagues”; remember reading something Billy said somewhere about maybe becoming Schizo if you meditate wrong? Well, you’re doing it wrong; you’re probably already are schizo, that’s why this whole Meier case appeals to you, you’re insane like the rest of them

And other feeble thoughts: “oh If I had only gotten a better nights sleep, if only I waited an extra hour after eating, if I had this tea earlier in stead of that….I should stop and go eat some ice cream and watch cartoons to escape this trauma least I commence with the self-mutilation.”

The Abyss stared back

I was staring off the chasm into insanity at this point. My mind felt like it was splitting apart. Something needed to happen here, one way or another. I had a necessary to life decision to make – to let these fears subjugate me yet again; to crawl back into the timid, sheepish, habitually half-hearted adhering to the spiritual teaching; to be left behind in the shadows of my peers, brothers and friends as they continued striving into unimaginable heights – or to stand my ground stare my fears down; to become a human being of a truer sense.


I stared deeper into that abyss, deeper, ever deeper through the insanity and everything it carried with it. Until, finally, it dawned on me; what’s the worse that could happen?

Becoming insane? Even if I got swallowed up by the madness. It’s not impossible to fight my way back out (I’d done it before), there’s always light shimmering in the darkest of depths, if only sought.

Losing my life? There’s still the next, and the thousands to follow after that.

Neither of these prospects sounded so bad as continuing a cowardly existence.

Really then, what’s truly the worst that could happen?

To give up yet again.

Come at me Insanity

Whether you are “supposed to” smile during meditation or not, I didn’t care. I sat there and I smiled, and I listened. Listened to all these same worn out voices of worry, doubt and fear. Nodding my head saying “uh-huh, uh-huh, Yeah? Oh? Really? Is that all?


After several minutes of facing my fears dead in the face, my initial frustrations were beginning to lose ground to sheer boredom. I realized these fears only went so deep, and at this point were really nothing new. Tracing them to their roots I found nothing rational about them. They had nothing to offer. Why was I still “listening” to them? This was valuable time passing here, why should I spend it entertaining this nonsense?

I dismissed them. Cast aside with a mental flick of the wrist. I was going to do what I needed, and what I wanted.

I began to meditate

Of course that session didn’t get deep by any means. Yet the simple fact that I was able to sit there and remain calm for 20 minutes without letting any thoughts of worry, etc., “rattle” me was a huge success. I had proven to myself that I could do it. I could stare insanity and despair right in it’s abysmally hideous face, sigh, roll my eyes and turn my attention to something greater. Something much greater. Toward the recognition of that which is true; that these things could only really harm me so long as I allowed it. This realization became impenetrable armor.

Of course the tedious thoughts came back on occasion especially during that initial session and the couple meditations which came after, yet it was in a profoundly ever-weakening wise, dwindling to the point where they weren’t worth the slightest acknowledgement and have essentially vanished entirely. With that initial decisive success I’d built a foundation of which I pulled myself up out of the hell I’d sunken myself into. I’d learned to meditate simply by realizing that I could.

That’s not to say I meditate perfectly every time, as other thoughts and distractions of various other natures do pop up quite frequently. Now I simply adjust and equip myself with the abilities necessary to deal with them.

The Reality

Those hateful thoughts and emotions were a malign mix of the unaddressed issues of my past paired with external negative telenotic “attacks”. Powerful attacks from powerful forces, which can serve to break a person’s mind, if such should be allowed by the one concerned.

The points are still in question; can meditation have dangerous results? Can being in front of a computer screen be dangerous as well? Wouldn’t that then make meditating in front of a computer screen detrimental?! The all-encompassing answer to these questions is perhaps. Yet the real, most important question remains:

Are you letting such fears daunt you?

* English rough translation of the “gist” of contact 705

23 comments on “Face the Fear (Meditation)

  • Great post my friend.

    I too have an aversion to similar videos online used for mediation and such.

    One of the first things I did when I first started to strive to understand the consciousness was to provide my subconscious mind with the conscious-directive to hinder (make ineffective) subliminal message and any such form of programming of my subconscious, which I am not consciously aware of. I think that’s where my aversion came from. I’m glad I did that.

    Also I consider Meditation the hammer which one (A Destiny-smith) can use to forge a truly marvellous destiny. And here is a very good hammer – 77 Meditations from Meditation with a Clear View High and Highest Meditation by BEAM (pages 238-240):

    Especially these, for those who have issues with fear and the like, should also help against those telenotic attacks:
    10) Within me exists neither anxiety nor fear.
    41) My healing thoughts and feelings are the medicine of my psyche and my consciousness.

    Since healing ones psyche and conciousness and vanquishing fear and anxiety is a truly stable foundation to build one meditative practices on, it should be a helpful starting point. Yes, it is truly liberating to be healthy and fearless.

  • Seth Vibka’s article on learning to let go is a suggested and a must read.
    In the throes of irrational auto suggested thoughts that hijack the rational part of your ‘me, myself and I’ and rob you blind of your real ‘self’ the inner forces can be so overpowering that like a remote controlled car you are at the mercy of outside forces controlling you even though it arises from within from whatever external triggers set it off.
    Whatever the nature of your mental illness it is definitely the enemy of your ability to focus and concentrate and to maybe deal with it you confine yourself indoors away from people and large crowds so as not to be overwhelmed by the oppressive, depressive, repressive and suppressive feelings that it triggers.
    There is always two sides to self imposed isolation on the one hand you have avoided the source of your bad feelings thereby you can get your bearings back somewhat but on the other hand you may possibly fall deeper into yourself within the dark recess of your inner space which can often become chaotic and fraught with self criticalness that leaves you feeling worse and ever more worse because the battle with yourself against yourself can never be won but one that is adnauseously perpetual and a never ending story as long as you live.
    It would be ideal if you can cut the chord to this madness once and for all but basically as I see it the so called entity or fracture part of yourself will always rear its ugly head.
    Dealing with the bad programme or learned irrationality and illogicism involves painstacking trial and error of repeated suffering and then trying to make sense of it all and then back to the suffering again.
    So if you can and as suggested by Billy’s words you can start by making the concentration exercise short and build up from that foundation to hopefully full fledged meditation.
    If distraction overwhelms you and you fight, the harder you fight to fend it off the greater the overwhelming force of the distraction becomes so it maybe advisable to take a breather and not to berate yourself over and over again and excerbate your self hatred and inner suffering.
    Learning to let go requires a real understanding of what exactly happened to you and making sense of what triggers your other self to sabotage you.
    It maybe worthwhile to neutrally analyse yourself as a third party when in the throes of these self generated attacks and to find out how you have been negatively reinforcing the irrational forces within that you have built up due to past traumas you were attempting to cope with.
    Anyway as always these are just a suggestions bourne out of my assumption thst wholly or partly could be wrong so just take or leave it for what you will.

  • Seth Andrew has beaten me to it so we should thank Vibka for the article, then Andrew for providing the link and then Michael for providing this platform in which we could all share right up to our prophet of the new age and the plejaren federation higher spirit planes and above all Creation, absolutetum and the absolute nothing.
    One word of advice the whole spiritual development business is not a competition to see who wins the race first but is absolutely a unique individual endeavour first and then by extension and connection the collective effort.
    According to the ST every spiritform is absolutely the same when it was first created but as time goes by it diverges in its developmental speed all dependent on the incarnated personality’s effort and the external conditions.
    At the end of the day all spiritforms created by creation will eventuallly arrive back home to Creation where it all began and merge with it , whatever that means, so patience and genuine knowledge and understanding of what ‘love’ really means in its truest sense of the word and also self love is important for all of us I think.
    Its unfortunately the case that some people become even suicidal because they just can’t handle perceived failure, of course drummed into their psyche and consciousness by negative reinforcement learned through abusive treatment during childhood by either their parents or family members who then through repetition bury this idea of inadequacy inherent in their maltreatment towards their sons or daughters into them who then learn to treat themselves the same as how their parents treated them.
    So you have a toxic and very negative vicious cycle where the child goes through life feeling stupid, unworthy, lacking self esteem and self worth and the most vicious of all, feeling self hatred for not measuring up to certain standards.
    So every perceived mistake they make compounds their sense of inferiorness, self hatred, self loathing, sense of inadequacy, the feeling of uselessness and they start to binge punish themselves resulting in a shattered psyche and all sorts of other psychological issues to do with timidness, being unable to be assertive in life and to get most out of life because they are heavily undermined and burdened by the weight of the psychological torment, suffering and consciousness distraction and confusion.
    So learning to be kind to yourself as Billy said is essential as well as self love.

    • Indeed and within that self Love is self tough Love.

      And yes, the only person who you can be better than is who you were. The only person that can be better than you is who you can be.

      “So you have a toxic and very negative vicious cycle where the child goes through life feeling stupid, unworthy, lacking self esteem and self worth and the most vicious of all, feeling self hatred for not measuring up to certain standards.
      So every perceived mistake they make compounds their sense of inferiorness, self hatred, self loathing, sense of inadequacy, the feeling of uselessness and they start to binge punish themselves resulting in a shattered psyche and all sorts of other psychological issues to do with timidness, being unable to be assertive in life and to get most out of life because they are heavily undermined and burdened by the weight of the psychological torment, suffering and consciousness distraction and confusion.”

      One can choose to let that be the script of their life and wallow in the stagnant self pity as the doubt repeatedly whispers “you are thus” “you are thus” and agree “I am thus, I am thus…”

      Or take a different route: “Am I thus? prove it to me.”
      Perhaps you and the doubt exchange dialogue for a time, and perhaps yet still you realize you are merely arguing with yourself; acknowledge such silliness as it is, and dismiss it as you begin meditation.

      • Good on ya Seth you’ve got the right idea.
        Billy mentioned something to the effect that other people ruin other people’s life beyond the control of the victim so I would definitely conclude that what you wrote, which is true BTW, cannot simply apply to children who are subjected to organ harvesting, physical and sexual abuse, psychological abuse, mind control experiment, child trafficking, slavery, pedophile hunting parties, adrenochrome extraction from their adrenaling glands, confinement under john podesta’s pizzgate ‘Hostel’ mansion etc.

  • Even so Matt, It is fully up to the individual how they proceed with their life, even those who have faced the worst trauma which is said to have no hope of recovery. To take Billy’s words onto ones self as though it were carved in stone with no hope to proving the contrary is to miss one of the fundamental points of the spiritual teaching, self-responsibility.
    Granted there is a limit to how responsible one can be be during their childhood as it should be that of the parents undertaking to help guide them through the developmental progress and unfortunately many are robbed of that and more until as they are greeted into adulthood with nothing more than broken bodies and tormented minds. Even so, from that point on it the responsibility over themselves is fully on them, completely in their hands, even if it’s far out of reach. They still have a choice, to take on the the identity of the victim and to wither away from the self pity as everyone around likewise douses them in it, or choose to raise themselves above their circumstances.

    For perspective: If the prophecies of the future are to fulfill, which based on the track record is more than likely, then what you have listed regarding victims of abuse will become more and more common place, and even beyond that there will come a time when human beings are born without limbs with exposed nerves so that they may be used as “smart weapons” to control machinery. There will be human-animal hybrids, where primal rage from beastial instincts rampages about the psyche bringing about unbearable madness.
    You, me, anyone reading this could very well reincarnate into one of these beings.
    Will you wallow in the victimization of what was done to you, or will you fight to bear the unbearable?

  • Good point Seth
    I agree with what you stated.
    Children though in the childhood state that they are in have yet to develop the prerequisite psychological wherewithals to be able to deal with all the traumas suffered, although it is possible, it is still a hard ask so I think that it would be irrational to expect these young ones to understand let alone have the capacity to properly process the heinous crimes metted out to them.
    It is only much later in adulthood after all the struggles that they’ve had to go through in their lives and all the questions that they had to ask themselves in the process of coming to terms with it that little by little they strive to cope with it and to come to terms with them, although not all, as drugs, alcohol and sex is used as easy outlet nowadays.
    The onus should not just be on the victims alone to be ‘self responsible’ as there are two sides to every trauma, crime and bad upbringing,.
    The perpetrators of heinous crimes against children must also be held to account for their ‘self irresponsibility’ as no perpetrator equals no victim if everyone was self responsible.
    The reality is as soon as crimes against children are perpetrated it unleashes a chainreaction of unforeseen cause and effect future where the victim often becomes the perpetrator themselves.
    Its too easy for us students of ST to project onto the unwashed masses the fundamental truth we have managed learn which has become second nature to us but easily forget how we once were before we knew about the spiritual teachings delivered by Billy.
    What the truth is will be and will continue to be whether we choose to accept it or not and it doesn’t matter that we know it or not as it applies equally to the unwashed masses concerning self responsibility.
    But we also have accept the harsh realities of truth that due to the ignorance of the truth by the majority of earthings that we are still stuck talking about self responsibility as if its a distant and unobtainable dream or something when it should’ve been a given.
    I don’t know if you know this person by the name of Fiona Barnett but she is a classic inspirational example of someone who took fate by the balls and took self responsibility for her life despite the hell that she has been through.
    We can all learn from such examples out there.

  • Thank you for those points Matt they are further reiteration of why the Mission is so important. Indeed as I have stated before, had I not come across the Meier case and spiritual teaching, I doubtless would still be getting high, ignoring my problems and digging myself deeper into a psychic rut.
    Yet even so it were my initial following (after many years of ignoring and “drowning”) of my own inner impulses of self-responsibility (before I had ever heard anything of the ST) leading to me denouncing the compounded BS of what society deemed “reality” and firmly determined I had to find the truth, the real truth, no matter what. Nobody took me by the hand and guided me to them, and even if someone had tried, had I not reached the prerequisite determination to be open to the truth, to want it more than anything else, it would have been entirely ineffective.
    Therefore, any others shall very likely never come to find let alone appreciate and understand the spiritual teaching if they do not recognize the need and effectively take the first initial steps to seek the truth themselves, no matter how publicly available the teachings become.
    Even if one isn’t “taught” proper self-responsibility and has suffered every trauma and facing every adversity imaginable (as well as many unimaginable) they are nevertheless still enlivened by a part piece of the same Creation as the rest of us and are therefore capable of receiving impulses. Certainly they haven’t learned or been taught how to properly sense such impulses which is why it is typically in the darkest moments of ones life, when everything else in their lives have failed and they are staring into the abyss, facing death by their own hand, that the ultimate choice comes to the fore, to seal the fate at the culmination of the dead-end road they have been forced down, or to make the harder choice, and against all odds, ignoring the impossibilities, turn away and backtrack through all the pain and torment until they reach the border between the dwelling of shadows from which they struggled through and that of the unfamiliar ground of the true life illuminated with Love (Creational-natural energy).

  • Good for you Seth and I am glad that we have another fine person who has entered through the door to the kingdom of Creation.
    Sometimes we the knowing ones of the truth need to show some appreciation to the newly arrived truth seekers for the fact that they have finally arrived whomever they are as basically the whole point of the mission is to present the truth to our fellow earthlings and for them to accomodate the ultimate truth into their heads and to be part of the Creational order living the good Creational spiritual straight and narrow path living.
    Often this is overlooked over trying to defend it from whoever has contentions against it.
    Those silly period of debating septic skeptics have ended replaced by the stark realisation that truly truth is its own evidence that don’t require validation and approval by anyone.
    Anyway I do enjoy these long winded written conversations as it unravels a lot of things as we go back and forth tangoing with another layer of onion peeled in the process exposing the deeper layer that requires additionally deeper understanding until we get to the essential core.
    As billy said life is definitely a struggle , of the constant to and fro, up and down, side to side and he definitely exemplifies that pinnacle of human achievement by overcoming the pains, sufferings, hardships, tragedies, challenges, adversities, trial and tribulations, treachery, rejections, assassination attempts, calumny, and so forth to basically set the example.

    • “Those silly period of debating septic skeptics have ended replaced by the stark realisation that truly truth is its own evidence that don’t require validation and approval by anyone.”

      — One of the greatest things I’ve read on any mission platform in my life.

    • Yes Matt! And although I see living in the Creational sense as anything but “straight and narrow” I’ll leave it be because I get what you mean 😉
      Yes, such dialogues as we’ve exchanged here are indispensable for learning from and understanding one another. This of course only possible as we have left egoism out of the equation. Conversations such as these are always meant to gain understanding, and to challenge. Yet not in a competitive sense, but in a sense of challenging ourselves and each other to reach the apex of understanding of the matter concerned (which “somehow” typically leads back to the Spirit and/or Creation 😉 ) That’s a fancy way of saying I appreciate having folks such as you to really communicate with, egos aside and minds a-ponderin’. The points you address challenge me into deeper contemplation and as well to further understanding of my own thoughts.
      For that, my friend, I thank you.

      • Very eloquently expressed Seth and likewise thank you for the enlightening conversation and the courage to confront the truth and tell it like it is.
        I think judging by the conversation you are in a good place as you are willing to penetrate through the essence and the core of that which most people aren’t willing to venture due to vulnerabilities and fear.
        I gather that by truly being honest with ourselves and only from this place can we then be honest with others.
        I hope to have more of these substanceful (if there is such a word) conversations with you and other fellow friends of the truth here as we move along in our own individual as well as collective spiritual journey of truth in the quest to unravel the mysteries of the spark that which is our own spirit within.

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